Recently I have been in many situations with my parents where I could've responded in a very explosive manner but didn't and I have realized it's down to one very important thing I learned this year.
I have always had a very rocky relationship with my parents. I'm quite an outspoken child and a lot more mature than they probably expect so that has caused us friction ever since I can remember. I won't lie, they haven't been the parents that you'd typically want. They say hurtful things and they try to restrict my growth. Maybe it's just overwhelming for them with how quickly I'm moving and changing. Every 6 months my perspective is different and I adapt my actions to my beliefs so they don't really have much time to react and adapt themselves. I'm sure life with a child like that isn't easy but they don't help themselves either.
The problem has always been that we'd argue and then when I stated my view it'd escalate. The arguments were frequent and they were intense. I would react, I would cry and I would shout. Neither of these things worked, they wanted a reaction out of me. They were waiting, words hanging like fists ready to fight but then I realized I can't change them. The only thing you can change is the way you react.
I started observing instead of contributing. They'd complain about something I did and I'd just listen. It kinda drives them mad now. There is not back and forth, no more shouting from my side. People take this as weakness. Those who don't stand up for themselves MUST be cowards, right?
Wrong, you show great deal of emotional strength when you stay calm while someone gets in your face.
Next time your siblings or parents (or even friends) dig at you, try not to react. Just do it one time and see what happens. The argument will last 30mins whereas before you would've taken it into school, work and then back home and elongated it. The reason these conflicts seem like a big deal is because of the huge amount of energy we put into them.
REMINDER: No reaction is the best reaction.
–Wiki Kowalczyk 🙂